Wow, I cannot believe my last blog post was in August. That is insane! So what has been going on you ask? A lot. Sorry to leave everyone in the dark for so long. So let me take you back to August. We had our gender reveal party on August 14th. We were both hoping and praying that baby was a girl as we told ourselves if we had a girl we would not worry about trying again for another baby in the future and would let the cards fall where they may. It has always been my dream, or what I felt like was my calling in my life to be a mother to a little girl. It is something I have wanted for a very, very long time. I swore I was having a baby girl as all of the old wives tales led us to believe it was a girl.
Boy were we wrong! We found out we were having a baby boy and to be quite honest I was upset for a few days about it then I got over it because I knew we had been blessed. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for this and was then mad at myself for feeling this way. Gender disappointment is a real thing I learned, as I was googling away and trying to see if this had ever happened to anyone else, especially people in the infertility world. I finally chose his bedroom paint colors, snapped out of it and got excited! Just because he was not the gender of our choice did not mean I would love my child any less. We wanted a boy, but wanted to have the girl first. Life doesn’t work out like any of us want it to, does it?! But that is the beauty of it! The thing I was most upset about is that I know I want to have a baby girl still, more than anything and the thought of going through fertility treatments again hurts my heart. I felt like if we had girl we would not worry about trying for a boy, but if we had a boy that our future would definitely hold more fertility treatments trying for the girl at some point, if that makes sense. Do not get me wrong, I love my son more than anything in this world and I know he was meant to be here with us, I know I was not meant to be a girl mom, at least not yet. I am completely happy with the way things turned out and know this is the way my life is meant to be. I wouldn’t trade him for the world! Maybe one day we will have that baby girl but for now we are going to cherish our time with our little guy while he is still little.
So, moving on from August until now. A week after we found out I finally got my butt in gear, we picked out paint colors and painted his nursery. I wanted to get it done and start planning for him as soon as possible. Below are some pictures of his nursery from then and now all done.
The remainder of my pregnancy was very uneventful. I was truly blessed with barely any morning sickness, no real food aversions, and an all around pretty easy going baby. He did not keep me awake at night ever and he did not kick me too bad lol. The only thing he was not easy on was my bladder! I did lose a lot of sleep from bathroom breaks but that was it haha! I was diagnosed as high risk because I had mild gestational diabetes but other than that nothing bad to note. We had scheduled a C-section for February 6th as my pelvic bones are very narrow and we were expecting him to be a bigger baby because of the GD. Then around Christmas (33 weeks pregnant) I started to notice some swelling in my ankles. I thought nothing of this and figured it was all normal in pregnant and I was thankful that I was not swollen the whole previous 33 weeks. Other than this I felt pretty damn good. Maybe, looking back I was a little extra tired but nothing abnormal for pregnancy.
Then on December 29th, hubby and I went for my first Non-Stress Test at 7:30 that morning. When we got there they took my blood pressure and it was 180/100. I told them it was not possible, it had to be a fluke and it was because I did not like coming to their office, lol. They started the NST test and waited 10 minutes and took my pressure again. It had not gone down. The baby failed his test because he was sleeping and then they did an ultrasound to see if they could get him to move. He moved and he was fine. They told hubby and I that we needed to go over to labor and delivery right away to see if they could bring down my blood pressure. We thought, ok let’s let our jobs know we will be late today. We both contacted work and let them know the situation and that we would be in later. We got to L&D around 8:30am and immediately were put in a small hot room where they could monitor my BP. Shortly after my doc, Dr. D arrived and they gave me some meds to bring down my BP and checked to make sure I was not dilated, which I was not. They also had me hooked up to a monitor to check on his heartrate and to see if I had any contractions. The baby was fine and I felt fine. They keep asking me if I had a headache or any symptoms and I kept telling them no. My BP at its highest was 182/126 and I still had no symptoms. They said I am lucky I had my NST that morning, otherwise I could have had a stroke and died. After 3 doses of meds to bring my BP down and it coming slightly down then rising again they decided to admit me. Dr. D said “you’re not leaving this hospital pregnant.” boy was that crazy to hear at the time! I started to get worried because I knew that the baby would be premature and would need time in the NICU. The NICU doctor came in and spoke to me to ease my mind and explain that the baby would likely atleast need a week or so in the NICU as they like to keep them til 35 weeks gestation and I was 33w4d at this point. Hubby contacted the family and let them know what was going on and my mom drove up from out of state to be there. Meanwhile they had done an ultrasound and my OB told me that my placenta was starting to fail as well as the high blood pressure. They could not give me a technical diagnosis of pre-eclampsia because my urine and blood did not show those signs, so my official diagnosis was “pregnancy induced hypertension”. They gave me a steroid shot around 11:30am to help boost the baby’s lungs since they planned to do my C-section the following day. They gave me another shot that night at 11pm.
Things were a little rough for me as I have never been in the hospital before. I was not a good patient! Those poor nurses, I kept apologizing to them for being a bad patient. I hated that damn automatic blood pressure cuff and swore it was making my pressure worse. I can’t even say how many times I pulled it off. Then the baby monitors kept losing his heartbeat because he was moving around a lot and I had an anterior placenta so they were constantly coming in to fix those. I got frustrated at some points and tore those off as well. The baby was not in any type of distress the whole time thankfully. They had me on magnesium and let me tell you, that stuff is no fun! And the fact that I could not eat was no fun either!
The next day, Friday, December 30th was the day. They came and told me my C-section would be sometime after 11am. They took me back and Jaxon Waylon was born at 2:43pm weighing 5 pounds, 5 ounces at 33w5d gestation. He cried once when he came out. He has some breathing issues and they wisked him away to the NICU immediately. I did not even get to see him, just my husband took a few quick pics and I was able to see those later. I started to worry on the table because I wondered why he was not crying and my hubby told me they had taken him already. It all happened very quick. They took me back to my room to recover and a few hours later they wheeled me and my hospital bed over to the NICU to see our little guy. He was on the CPAP machine and I only got to see him for a few minutes. The first thing I noticed about him was his adorable neck rolls! We went back to the room and my hubby took all of the grandparents over to see him in the NICU.
Later that night I started vomiting. I was vomiting on and off through the night and all day on Saturday. I am not sure if it was the anesthesia, or the mag, or the combo of both but it was rough. Vomiting when you just got your abdomen stitched closed is not fun. I begged the nurses to ask my doc to take me off the mag. She had wanted me on it for 24 hours after delivery. I made it til about 19 hours and one of the nurses finally got her to give the ok to take me off it. I was a mess, so lethargic and felt like the life was drained out of me. My hubby and one of the nurses threw me in the shower and got me cleaned up a bit which helped a little. I couldn’t even go visit Jaxon all morning and afternoon because I was so ill. Then we got moved to the post-partum unit that night. I finally started to feel a bit better and the vomiting stopped. I was in the hospital for 5 nights because my BP was still high even with the meds.
To be continued………
Please remember this week is National Infertility Awareness Week.