Well on Tuesday morning, 6w2d (6 weeks, 2 days) we went in for our first ultrasound. They were having problems finding my uterus vaginally so they had to do the abdominal ultrasound. Due to all of the issues we were having we did not get to see a heartbeat. This concerns me. Everything else looked good and baby is in the correct place (uterus) and is measuring to size of 6w2d. I am hoping that at our next appointment this coming Tuesday we will be able to see the heartbeat. I have to be honest, I am freaking myself out a bit about it. I have so many questions, why did we not see a heartbeat when we were able to find the baby? What if the baby has stopped growing and there is no heartbeat? I am trying not to stress, and trying to believe that the doctor’s reassurances are what I need to go by, but it’s hard. Dr. S assured me that we will see the heartbeat next week. They also told me to make sure to come with a full bladder next time as well. They said that it helps. I need to see this heartbeat before I can fully breathe. I wish I could relax a little bit more, but I can’t. I NEED TO KNOW. I feel like infertility has ruined me and is stealing my joy, yet again, for the umpteenth time in my life. I am excited, don’t get me wrong, and I can’t stop buying baby stuff, but I am also SCARED SHITLESS. I even considered going to the hospital and complaining of abdominal pain to get another ultrasound to make sure baby is ok, and to see if we can see heartbeat. But then I thought about my $100 copay and how crazy I am to want to willingly spend $100 (that I don’t have) now versus waiting until Tuesday. Today is Thursday, after all. I know Tuesday will be here before I know it, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know me going to the ER, or waiting til Tuesday won’t change a thing. If there is something wrong there is nothing I can do. I despise this lack of control. Infertility did not help me learn to let go, if anything it made me want to be more in control. It has made a crazy, psycho! I will be the first to admit it. Yes, it helped me grow in ways, but mostly it just ruined my faith. These are my only complaints. I am scared to death. I also found out they want me to stop the progesterone at week 8, which I thought I was to continue it through the first trimester. Stopping that is going to have me losing my effing mind! I don’t mind the morning sickness, or any of the other symptoms. Well the cramps kinda scare me, but I can deal with them. I get them a lot at night and it feels like my period is coming. I just don’t like not knowing what is going to happen. If I had my own ultrasound machine and could check on baby everyday I would!
Dr. S did answer some of my questions and we found out that we can get a bloodtest done around 11 weeks to determine the gender. That made me happy that we won’t have to wait til 16 weeks. He also said I am not allowed to go to Florida or the Caribbean due to zika virus. Not sure if I could be around someone who was exposed to it or not, but I know for sure if hubby were to get it I would be scared to death and I know I would get it because mosquitos eat me alive! He gave me a list of meds I can and cannot take and that made me feel a little better too. The nurse said I can have sushi, but nothing with raw fish which I dont eat as is, so that made this girl happy!
Other than me freaking out there is not much going on. We just got back from a nice vacation to the Finger Lakes Region. We saw a lot of beautiful waterfalls and had a nice time. There were a few places we did not end up going to for fear of me pushing myself too hard while hiking. I didn’t want to hurt baby, so we just didn’t do a good bit of the things we had planned. That is fine, I rather baby be safe. It does however figure I would go to the one place where there is a winery everywhere you turn while I am pregnant, haha! One day we will go back and check out the wine trail and get some wine! Below is baby’s first picture and baby’s first bib, lol. 🙂